Trying to break free
by doodlebug02
Summary: Draco finally decides he doesn't want to be molded into his father's image. Unknown to him, he will find help from the most unlikely people
1. Numb

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize doesn't belong to us.  
  
Diclaimer2: The lyrics to Numb belong to Linkin Park.  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
  
Draco Malfoy was in his room at the Malfoy Manor getting ready for the ball his parents were throwing to celebrate his engagement to Pansy Parkinson. He didn't love Pansy. It was an arranged marriage that had been planned since they had be born and he couldn't go against his father's wishes. 'Father pft!' thought Draco bitterly. Lucius Malfoy was no father, more like sperm donor. No, real fathers didn't beat their children for making simple mistakes. At that moment Lucius just happened to drop by. Draco kept a cool, calm expression on his face as his father approached.  
  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
  
"Draco," his father began. "Yes, Father?" Draco replied still looking straight into the mirror in front of him. "I don't think I need to remind you once again of how important tonight is to your future, do I?" Draco's face remained emotionless. "No Father." "Good. There will be very important people here tonight. Everyone from the inner circle will be in attendance. So it is pertinent that you must be on your best behavior. We must keep up appearances." "Best behavior?" inquired Draco with a look of distaste clear on his face. "What am I, five Father?" Lucius spun Draco around to face him. "Do you think this is a joke? Do you? This night decides the rest of your life. Do you understand that?" Draco looked at him crossly. "Like you really give a shit about me? All you care about is yourself and how you look." Lucius struck Draco across the face. "You are my son! You will not embarrass me. Do as I say or you will suffer the consequences," he finished. With that he swept from the room, robes billowing behind him.  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Draco turned back to the mirror with a sullen look on his handsome face. It now had a red mark starting to form in the shape of his father's hand. He quickly muttered a charm to make the bruise go away. He was straightening his dress robes when his house elf came in to announce that Pansy had arrived. He stood and looked back at his reflection one last time before he decide what he needed to do.  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
Draco met Pansy at the entrance to the ballroom. "Hello Darling," Pansy greeted him. He gave her a small smile. "You look lovely," he complimented her. Pansy was an okay girl but he didn't love her and probably never would. Pansy thanked him as he outstretched his arm towards her which she accepted.  
  
Can't you see that you're smothering me  
  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
Draco and Pansy entered the ballroom to be bombarded by guest eager to offer their congratulations on the upcoming nuptials. Draco merely nodded curtly and gave fake smiles. Meanwhile his bride to be was gushing on and on about the ceremony to any and everyone who would listen. Draco looked around the ballroom hoping to see a friendly, familiar face somewhere. Instead he met the cold glare of his father standing amongst members of the inner circle. Lucius raised a hand to beckon the two of them over there, shooting a warning look at his son. Draco caught the hidden meaning but kept his face impassive as he urged Pansy toward his father.  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
And every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
"Ah, Pansy, darling you get more beautiful every time I see you, doesn't she Draco?" sending a pointedly look towards his son. Draco put on the best forced smile he could up muster up. "Words can't describe how beautiful," he replied with a hint of sarcasm. However no one picked up on it besides his father. Everyone else just assumed he was complimenting his fiancée. The conversation drown on about the wedding. Where it was being held. The guest on the invitation list, and so forth. Then the conversation turned to the one topic Draco did not want to discuss. Not tonight. Not ever.  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
"So your mother and father have informed us that you'll be receiving the Dark Mark soon after the wedding," said a man that Draco recognized as MacNair. Draco nodded at him but said nothing. This did not seem to please Lucius at all. He took this opportunity to speak for his son. "Yes, he will receive it and he is very honored. Aren't you son?" he said glaring at him with his eyes narrowed. Draco stood his ground and glared back. However instead of saying how he truly felt, he remembered his fathers words from earlier. "Of course," he replied with a slight sneer on his face. Narcissa Malfoy, Draco's mother, could sense then tension between father and son and quickly deterred the conversation back to the wedding.  
  
The party kept going until around one o'clock. Pansy and Draco were see the last guest out the door. "Thank you for coming," Pansy smiled graciously to the departing guests. Draco merely nodded again for the thousandth time that night. "Phew, I'm glad that's over and done with." "Pansy, darling, I'm kind of tired. So, I'm just going to head up to bed okay?" He turned to leave but her voice stopped him. "Draco, are you okay?" He could sense that she was worried about him. He gave her a small smile and kissed her check. "I'll be fine. Don't worry." "Are you sure?" He gave her a reassuring hug. "It will be. In the end everything will be fine," he smiled at her, "I'll see you later." "Okay, if you say so." She turned to leave but not before glancing back one more time but Draco was already retreating up the stairs.  
  
And I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
  
Draco entered his room with a sense of determination. He knew what he needed to do. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to do, but he knew he had to. He refused to live the life his father had planned out for him. He wouldn't be like him. The man who had tortured him his entire life. The man who put his own son down to make himself feel better. No, he would not become the monster that is his father. It was time to make something of himself. He no longer wanted to strive to become that perfect son, that perfect Death Eater. No, instead he was going to do the one thing he swore he would never do. Draco gathered his belongings and with a crack he left the Malfoy Manor for good. Draco Malfoy had gone to go see his old headmaster.  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
A/N: As always reviews are much appreciated! Thanks! 


	2. Untold tales

Disclaimer: If you recognize it we don't own it!!! All characters belong to J.K Rowling  
  
Chapter 2: Untold Tales  
  
Another loud crack and Draco found himself standing outside The Leaky Cauldron in Diagon Alley. He went inside and looked for some place to sit. Draco didn't want to be recognized he just wanted a drink, and to clear his head. He ordered a Fire Whiskey and a Butterbeer and settled on a small table next to the window. While making his way to the table the bar owner Tom spotted Malfoy.  
  
"Hello young Malfoy, haven't seen you in quite some time, fancy a bite to eat?" Tom asked the question forgetting that he was speaking to one of the rudest people he had ever met. Tom waited not really expecting an answer and certainly not the kind he got.  
  
"No thank you Tom, I'm fine. Just the drink will suffice." "Wow" was the only thing that Tom could manage to say. He had never known Draco Malfoy to answer a question with out sarcasm, but he did just that. He was almost too polite. Tom just nodded and turned to welcome some other patrons that had just walked in.  
  
Draco took his seat and looked out the window. He realized that it was too late to visit the Headmaster now. He decided to take a room at the inn and go up first thing in the morning. Draco was slightly worried about how he was going to approach Professor Dumbledore, so he decided to sleep on his thoughts.  
  
Draco's dreams were tormented with nightmares about his father and what his future holds. This one seemed to be the worst and the most frequent. He always found himself in a dark manor. Very cheerful, clean and welcoming. He, his father, Crabbe and Goyle and MacNair were all at this house. Draco felt sick, he wanted to run away screaming, but it felt like someone had used a sticking charm on his feet, because he couldn't budge. His father said "Now lets see how long you can resist the Cruciatus Curse before you scream." Draco couldn't see the person that he was torturing, only the lovely long red hair that fell down her back. "Now there, there Mrs. Potter, just tell me where your retched husband is and I will let you go...for now." His fathers manic laughter seemed to be the trigger for him to wake. Draco woke and sat straight up, a thin sheen of sweat all over his body and he was shaking terribly. Draco reached for the glass of water which was on his night stand. It was cool and refreshing. He looked at the time 5:30 am. "Blast," was all he could say as he put his head back on the pillow and thought about his dream.  
  
Draco couldn't understand why he hadn't left before now. The beatings would have been enough to make even the strongest man give. But Draco had other things on his mind besides his beatings, mainly one Mrs. Potter. With that final thought Draco swung his feet over the side of the bed, stretched and got up to take a long hot shower.  
  
Draco seemed to be in the shower for hours just letting the hot water fall over his body. Draco had played Quidditch since his second year at Hogwarts and he had developed quite the body over the years. He had well defined abs and shoulders. Also, much to his fathers dismay he had a very nice tan to go with his white blond hair. Draco got out of the shower and toweled off wrapping the towel around his sleek waist as he left the loo. He strolled over to the small dining room table in his room and pulled up the menu. He knew he wasn't hungry but he knew he had to eat something. "Coffee, bagel-toasted with butter and jam, and two eggs over easy." Before he could finish his sentence the table filled with food and the smell of fresh coffee filled the room. Draco was just getting ready to sit down and eat when he heard a tap-tap-tap at his window. It was Jade, Pansy's barn owl. Draco made his way over to the window to let the bird in. "Good morning Jade, what do you have there?" The bird held out her leg and Draco removed the note attached. His eyes quickly scanned the letter and then he discarded it.  
  
The letter was from Pansy, but it was just going on and on about the wedding and all sorts of things that he really didn't need or want to think about just now. Draco stroked Jade behind the ear and gave her a bite of bagel. The owl hooted with delight and fluttered over to an adjacent chair, tucked her head under her wing and went to sleep.  
  
After breakfast was gone Draco got dressed. The clock now said it was 7:00 am. Draco knew that the Headmaster would be at breakfast until 9:00 am so he decided to take a walk around Diagon Alley. He gathered his cloak and walked out the door. He stopped at the front desk before leaving.  
  
"Ah, good morning Mr. Malfoy. I hope all was to your liking." The beautiful witch behind the counter greeted him. Quite taken back by her sweetness, Draco found his voice. "Yes, all was perfect. I think I will be staying for a while. Could you do me a favor and please keep my name off of the registry and say that I am not here if anyone should come to call. I don't care if it is the Minister himself. I am not here." The witch was looking at him strangely, not with fear in her eyes, as he so often got, but with something Draco didn't recognize.  
  
"Of course Mr. Malfoy. No one will know that you are here. Is there anything else?" she asked.  
  
"Well there is just one more thing." Draco didn't know what had gotten into him, but it was as if he couldn't control his own mouth. "What is your name?"  
  
The witch looked at him with a coy smile quite taken back and said "Why do you want to know?"  
  
Draco could feel his ears getting warm and decided that he didn't like being so vulnerable. "Ah....never mind. I must be going. Sorry to have bothered you. Good day," and with that he was gone.  
  
Slowly the witch said "Sarah....my name is Sarah." But there was no one there. The cute guy was gone and she was talking to herself.----Nice going you PRAT! A hottie like that and you go and scare him away. Now who knows if he will ever talk to you again!--- Sarah shook her head and tried to get the voice to shut up so she could continue with her work. Maybe she would see him again later and be able to apologize.  
  
Sarah was Tom's niece. She use to come and stay the summers with him while she was in school. She wasn't a witch per say, she was muggleborn, but she had powers. Sarah had never gone to school to develop them. Sarah's parents were disabled with the muggle disease called Downs Syndrome. They were wonderful parents, very loving, very caring, and always affectionate. However, they didn't understand the idea that there daughter had magical powers. Sarah could remember Professor Dumbledore coming to visit her on her eleventh birthday. As Sarah recalled he stayed at her home for quite some time trying to explain to Sarah's parents that there was a school just for gifted children like Sarah. But her parents didn't understand why someone wanted them to take their little girl away. Sarah remembered her parents getting visibly upset at the idea of loosing there daughter and in the end it was Sarah that said no. Dumbledore realized that he had been defeated and took his leave with a graceful bow. Just before he left he told Sarah that if she ever needed him, for any reason at all, just to think of his name and he would come. With that said there was a pop and he was gone.  
  
Sarah and her parents hadn't spoken of the days events, they all just went to bed like nothing had happened. The next year was Sarah's first of many summers that she would spend with her Uncle Tom.  
  
"Alright Sarah?" Tom asked as he descended the stairs. "Just fine uncle..." Sarah was trying to come out of her own thoughts  
  
"Uncle Tom...what do you know about Mr. Malfoy?" Tom's spine went ridgid and he looked about his pub.  
  
"Did you say Malfoy....Where is he? What does he want?" Tom's voice was strained.  
  
"Uncle Tom, what is wrong with you! Mr. Malfoy, the nice looking gentleman that stayed here last night?" Sarah was getting agitated.  
  
"Oh young Malfoy." Tom's voice seemed to relax some. "I thought you were talking about Lucius Malfoy. The young man you speak of is Draco Malfoy. Son of Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. What about him?" There was a hint of teasing in his voice, and his niece turned slightly pink.  
  
"I was just wondering what you knew of him. He seems really nice but troubled some how. There is a haze of sadness that I can see behind his eyes."  
  
"Ah, a very observant one you are indeed. Draco is a very troubled soul. I remember when he use to go to Hogwarts. There were very few times that he wasn't accompanied by his two goon friends, Crabbe and Goyle—I think. Evil, both of them and when young Draco was with them his tongue was just as deadly." Tom paused as if recalling something that warmed his heart. "But I do recall a few occasions that he came in by himself, and when Draco was on his own he was a different young man. I remember one time he came in, I think he left his goons terrorizing some other students. He came in and walked right up to me and guess what he said?" Tom paused for effect, as Sarah hanging on his every word he was saying. "He came right over to me and said 'Sir I'm sorry' of course you could imagine my shock, the son of the evil Lucius Malfoy apologizing to me. Well I thought it was a joke, but the lad stuck his hand out and shook mine and told me that he didn't mean to act like a prat, but he had a image to maintain with his friends. Well as you can guess I was right confused, but Draco assured me that he would not make trouble for me in my pub again...and he never did."  
  
Tom's eyes seemed saddened. He continued to dry the already dry glass in his hand lost in thought about that day. "Uncle, what happened that Mr. Malfoy was apologizing for?" Sarah's interest piqued. "Well besides being just nasty, Malfoy and his goons came in one day and turned over tables, spilled drinks and just vandalized the pub. Scared the life out of the patrons and caused loads of damage. He apologized though and come Christmas time I received an anonymous deposit into my Gringotts account for the amount of what it cost for me to replace the items that were destroyed." "Wow," was the only thing that Sarah could say.  
  
"Wow indeed love, and from that day on Draco Malfoy never caused trouble for me again. Even when he was not by himself, and we would pass each other on the street, he would always make it a point to give me a hidden smile. But as quick as it came it was gone replaced by the condescending smirk that he no doubt inherited from his father. But enough about that we must get back to work and get ready for the lunch rush." With that Sarah turned on her heel and went into the kitchen. 


	3. Fresh Start

Disclaimer: We own nothing much to our dismay.  
  
The day was beautiful and the air was clean. This was all Draco could think about. He kept the hood up on his cloak so he wouldn't be recognized as he wandered around Diagon Alley. He wasn't shopping for anything in particular. He was just trying to kill some time before he had to leave for Hogwarts.  
  
Draco really wasn't sure what he was going to tell his old headmaster. However, he knew Dumbledore was a patient man, who also believed in second chances. With his newfound freedom Draco decided he was going to do all he could not to become his father--- whatever it took.  
  
As he was walking, Draco passed the dress shop that Pansy had drug him into last week. Standing there looking at the dress in the window, Draco noticed a familiar reflection in the window. Behind him it was none other than his fiancée and her long time school friend Millicent. Draco half expecting them to be talking about his sudden disappearance considering he had never responded to her letter from the morning. But what he did her turned out to be a little shocking.  
  
"I don't know Millie. I've been seeing Boyd for about six months now. Of course Draco has no idea. I doubt he would even care." She paused in thought. "So really, why should I break up with him?" she giggled. "Besides. Boyd shags me senseless every time we're together. Then I get to go home to Draco to spend his family's money. I'd say it's the best of both worlds!" Millicent just laughed.  
  
Draco was shocked and angry. He didn't know what to think. It was true that he wasn't in love with Pansy but he did care for her. He had thought that there was more to her than just money. It was true they hadn't slept together but that was her doing, not his. Pansy had said that she wanted to wait until they were married. Said that she'd feel guilty if they didn't wait. And Draco always tried to keep her happy so he relented and came to the conclusion that self gratification would have to suffice until the wedding. In all honesty Draco could have any woman he wanted. However, he didn't want to cheat on Pansy like his father had done to his mother. He had heard his mother crying all the nights that his father hadn't come home. Draco hadn't wanted to cause Pansy that same pain.  
  
Draco turned and started to say something to them but thought better of it. He didn't want anyone to know where he was and if he made a scene in the middle of Diagon Alley everything would be ruined. So instead he hung his head a little lower and made his way back inside the Leaky Cauldron. Looking at his watch he saw that it was 8:45. He ran back up to his room, grabbed the tin of lemon drops and with a crack he was gone.  
  
Draco had apparated right in front to the Hogwarts gate with the two stone boars guarding the entrance. He took a deep breath and started walking up the long winding path to the school. Along the way he observed the children playing and chatting around the lake and under the elm trees. He couldn't help but feel a bit jealous of the kids who were enjoying themselves more in one afternoon than he had his entire seven years here. He made his way up to the front doors of the school and stepped inside. It looked exactly as it did when he first stepped into it ten years ago.  
  
Bright shining suits of armor flanked the doors and turned to look at the former student. Draco felt pains of guilt as he remembered some of the things he had done to the other students over the years just so he could fit in with the other Slytherins. He figured the headmaster had not yet returned from breakfast so he took his time and slowly made his way to the entrance of Dumbledore's office. Draco realized he didn't know the password to make the gargoyle jump to life and move aside so he waited. He was looking at a portrait on the wall when he heard someone behind him.  
  
"Good day Mr. Malfoy. I have been expecting you." said the headmaster.  
  
Draco looked at him quizzically. "But how?"  
  
"Patience my dear boy. I will explain everything inside. Unless of course you want to discus things out in the open like this?" Dumbledore replied with a slight smile. Draco looked at him in befuddlement. "I'll take that as a no," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. He turned toward the gargoyle and said the password: Sugar quills. Draco followed the professor up to his office where Dumbledore offered him a seat. "Lemon drop?" Draco politely declined.  
  
"Um, sir. How did you know I was going to be here today?" Draco asked.  
  
Professor Dumbledore smiled slightly at this. 'I didn't young Malfoy," but before he could elaborate Draco interrupted him. "Professor, do you think it would be possible that you could just call me Draco? And you said you'd been expecting me?"  
  
Dumbledore smiled knowingly. "Ah, yes. I have been expecting you for quite some time now. However, I did not know the exact day you would show up." "Oh," was all he could reply.  
  
"Draco, I sense that something id troubling you. Am I correct?" Dumbledore asked.  
  
"Well you see sir.....what it is....I....I just..." Draco stammered. "Dear boy take your time. Relax. We are in no hurry."  
  
Draco sighed contemplating what exactly he wanted to tell his old headmaster. He didn't know if he wanted to divulge the fact that his father beat him on a regular basis. Or that his mother did nothing about it in fear of also being on the receiving end of his father's wrath. God, how he hated his father. Not only for the years of torment but also for never being able to experience love. His father never loved him. Draco was just merely his puppet. Someone whom he could control. Sure maybe his mother did love him but did she ever show it? No. She didn't even try to stop it. Most mothers would protect their sons from harm but not his mother. Thinking about it Draco knew there was one thing he truly owed the old professor and that was an apology.  
  
"Professor, I feel like I....no, I know I owe you an apology," he started. "You don't owe...." Dumbledore started to say but Draco cut him off. "Please, sir. You have to let me finish." Dumbledore waved his hand. "By all means."  
  
"I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the way that I treated my fellow classmates as well as yourself. I realize now what a git I was and how I deserved whatever it was that they threw back at me. I was horrible and if you only knew why I was the way I was maybe you would understand better...." He trailed off not sure if he wanted to continue. As if sensing how difficult it was to carry on Dumbledore asked if he was sure he wanted to continue.  
  
"Yes, this is something I have to do for myself. I can't keep living my life the way I have been. Just try to understand how difficult this is for me to relive all these old painful memories.  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "I understand. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable telling me in another way."  
  
Draco looked puzzled. "How do you mean?"  
  
"Well, if you would like, you could use my pensieve to show me instead of trying to explain it to me.  
  
Draco blanched at the thought of this. "You mean you would keep my childhood memories?" "No, no, no. I would of course erase them right afterwards. It's just merely a suggestion. In the end it's your choice.  
  
Draco was breathing heavily. Truth be told he was scared of what Dumbledore would think of him after he saw every painful memory he had. Plus he wasn't sure he could handle seeing them again. But was he strong enough to say the words aloud? After some thought he made his decision. "Okay. I'll do it. I'd rather you see for yourself rather than to just take my word for it." He looked down at the floor while he said this, not wanting to meet the old man's eyes. However he could feel Dumbledore's eyes watching him. Finally he was brave enough to look up and meet his glaze.  
  
"Are you 100 percent sure?" Dumbledore asked him. He didn't want to feel like he was pressuring the young man. He knew it took courage to come this far. He just wanted Draco to feel like he could trust him. Draco gave this some thought. He knew that by doing this it would change everything. But in the end that's what he ultimately wanted. Finally he gave Dumbledore his answer.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Okay. All you need to do is put your wand up to your temple. Concentrate hard on the memories and they will transfer to your wand. After that put your wand into the pensieve and it will keep the memories until we are finished viewing it. Understand?" Dumbledore finished.  
  
"Yes, sir. I think so." Draco replied. Dumbledore gave him a reassuring smile. "Why don't you set started?"  
  
A/N: Please read and review. It is much appreciated. Thanks. 


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